I'm Sarcastic When I Say I Love Sarcasm

WARNING: CONTAINS RANT ESSAYS.  IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY VIEWS, STOP READING IMMEDIATELY.  I ALSO TRULY APOLOGISE AS I RECOGNISE THIS POST FOR BEING RIDICULOUS.

Recently, something has really, really caught my attention.

Sarcasm.

Yes, this is to all those perched at their computers, staring contemplatively at 9gag, which, due to the onslaught of popular memes and repetitive ideas, has failed to produce a hearty laugh from nary a person anymore and would instead instigate a deadpan "LOL".

This is what I think- Sarcasm is overrated and cruel.


Of course, there are harmless forms of sarcasm said with a smile and using the most ridiculous words and situations, but sarcasm is in most part something that can be tormenting.

I'm a teenaged girl.  It's hardly uncommon to have friends who weave sarcasm into their every word, and say all that with a monotone.  What is uncommon now is to say exactly what you want, with just adequate emotion, because you're a teenaged girl and don't all teenagers have that look when they're being sarcastic?

Take Thursday, for example.

I was in tuition at night, as usual, when due to an acceleration of a smorgasbord of cardiovascular/ respiratory disorders that, though mild and letting me live out life normally, tend to of course crop up problems occasionally.  That was one of the rare times.

I believe my hyperventilation was attributed to the teacher looking for videos pertaining to the London 2012 Summer Olympics and coming across a fan-made music video of "Survival" by Muse.  I love Muse.  What's there not to like? British, the leader is named Matthew (I love that name), alternative rock, crazy album concepts.  So, wrapped up in the world of my squeamish fandom, my heart rate picked up just slightly to about 20% higher (from monitors in the Science Centre my normal heart rate is 120 bpm, which is of course abnormal for my age) for 15 minutes.  It had happened before.  I once swooned over Linkin Park so badly that when I checked my temperature, it went up 0.5 degrees Celsius and I had to use my inhaler.  But that's another story.

So, my expense in mind, I asked the teacher if she had steroids. (We had just watched a video on steroids before that and I didn't want to overreact.)  Below is part of our conversation:

Me: Do you have any steroids?
Teacher: Me, are you asking me?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
Teacher: No I don't, actually.
Me: Hmm.  What about inhalers?
(See, inhalers contain steroids.  If only milligrams of them.  I'm prescribed, it's nothing illegal, due to the aforementioned disorders.)
Teacher: No, sorry.
Me: Well, pity, because I have heart arrest. (Note: not "attack", "arrest".  They're different.) (At this point my chest was already pressing around my heart tightly and i could see it throbbing from my side.  It had been like that for five minutes.  I was terrified.)

Knowing sarcasm, as every wise teacher should, (don't get me wrong, I'm completely open.  Unlike the hints of "sarcasm" that I know always penetrates my voice- but we'll get to that later) she ignored me.  Only for a mere three minutes later for me to dash out of the classroom, one hand clutching my collarbone, shivering intensely with my heart throbbing like it was connected to my ribcage with threads of super-glue, curdled against the wall, hyperventilating rather severely according to the teacher who had come to check on me a few seconds later.

"Oh my god!  You should have told me!"
"Well, I did, but-"

Here lies the root of my problem.  Yes, I'm perfectly alright now, thank you.  Yes, I didn't actually need those few minutes of extra warning- in fact, I'm possibly the only one who finds this whole situation absolutely hilarious. (That's just me.)  It is how sarcasm has shrivelled up our societies so that even if I say exactly what I mean albeit in a blank voice, no one will believe me unless they see it firsthand.

The thought is chilling.

Maybe one day, I can envision myself, sprawled across some sofa because my heart overreacted again and everyone was too weathered from the constant crying-wolf that others had done that they didn't know.  Well, that's a little far-fetched, I'll admit it, apologies if I scared you a little, but that's the extent of my- no, our- predicament.

My mother always tells me to call for help when I have problems, especially health.  But the thing is, how?

"Oh my god, I think my heart just overreacted.  Can I skip class for now to rest?" After watching some amazing thing that would excite me?

/hysterical/ "My heart overreacted! I need immediate medical attention, now!"

"Oh actually my heart overreacted."

"By the way my heart overreacted, don't worry, I'm fine." Which was basically the message I was trying to convey.

Show her my medical letters which I should always keep a photocopy of in my bag?  Even though on paper my condition seems extremely insignificant and wouldn't cause any problems at all?  Not that I could tell any doctor that alternative rock causes me severe hyperventilations, of course.

That's the next thing.  I've heard so many times about people getting "heart attacks".

"I just watched Sadako, and she gave me such a heart attack when she crawled out of that screen!"

Yes, sure, dear, I would know- trust me.

One, it's "heart arrest".  And judging from what you said, it's much, much milder than "arrest".  "Arrest" was what I had on Thursday.

Two, people die from heart attacks and you say you had one because your heart just leaped a little? Close to only ninety percent of people who have heart attacks die.  You must have been fortunate.

Or:

"I saw One Direction in Melbourne last week!  They were so amazing I just started hyperventilating and ah-"

That happens in text a lot too.  Romance novels.  Look into his eyes and you start hyperventilating.  Right.  I know.  He doesn't think twice when you clutch your throat and make huge gasping noises that wreck your frame except for a throwaway "Are you alright?"

It's horrid: That with the advancements of the modern age forms of entertainment humankind would choose, of all things, to poke fun at the respiratory system.  Pardon me please if that's a rather sensitive subject.  I don't think body parts are to be taken lightly.  Especially not disorders.  Or just health.


Then there's,

"Like anyone would do that."

The "like anyone" thing is very commonly used.  Yet we don't see the spite behind it.  You're suggesting that the subject in question is not even a someone, and rather a something.  Or, worse, nothing.  It hurts when you denote that a living thing is nothing.  It really cuts.

And what if that comment was made without knowing that the subject would really do that?  It hurts even more, like they're fitting you into the stereotype of 'nothing'.

This is what it all boils down to, doesn't it?  Cruelty to ambush people with hatred, even with a few hyperboles taken too far?  That within each of our souls lie cruelty and hatred and we need to rest in peace to be purged?

Sorry if I don't take any of it: I believe every human soul was born pure, and that we were misled.

Misled by what?  Surely it started with a human?

Yes, a human already driven into the depths of his twisted thoughts and minds, being hand-held down the misguided road ages ago.  Popular, maybe- or maybe more misguided people just liked that idea- and it went viral.  People are like lost sheep.  They just follow.

I'm using sarcasm to combat "sarcasm".  (Only to spite you.)  I hope that you won't take this as lightly anymore, as simple as it may sound.  You can't play with your heart.  Or others' hearts.  Especially ones like mine, who are already ailed.

Hearts are "who"s.  They're human, much more so than the androids we've become.  Don't crush any more.

[Not that anyone would stand with me anyway.]